TCC Club X1 v Royal Ascot

A series of one-way games and poor results on Saturday left a number of the Sunday players down to partake in the second-string game against Ascot on the Green with good motivation to get a game going, despite the substantial precipitation overnight that had left surface water on a third of the square. The addition of AG Bendelow making a guest re-appearance as tea lady ensured it was all hands to the metaphorical, but only just, pump to sort out the pitch and get stuck into a slightly curtailed 35-over a side game.

Making his senior debut as skipper, it was an inconsequential disappointment to Sussex student M 'Patricia' Freeman to lose the toss, as the visiting captain invited the Ts to have first crack on the freshly rolled but undoubtedly soft track anyway.

First up were the skipper's fellow Sussex-ite, D 'Unscheduled Breakdancer' Hough and the cranially streamlined E 'Giz a bowl' Paxton. The bowling started erratically with the first ball from the Green Spice end being signaled wide and the flame-haired opener from the pavilion end punching one an over down leg, but when the ball was on the track the low bounce and slow pace only to be expected early doors made run-getting tricky.

In an attempt to work the ball into a gap, Hough became the first to fall with a leading edge looping to mid-wicket with one scoring shot of two to his name.

Enter the second day A-team's premier blocker A 'Giraffa Niveus' Donelan. Together with Paxo they saw off the openers at three an over before Eddie looked to take the game forward in the 16th over. What were singles and two were becoming two and fours. He raced past fifty with aplomb. Punishing a short wide one with a lofted shot through third man. With the the skipper keen to take advantage, the encouragement from the sidelines to both batsmen became more vocal and it was with this in mind that both finally fell. The wickets came in consecutive overs, Paxton holing out for 80 well-crafted runs and Donelan advancing down the track and finding himself snicked out by the keeper for 36.

With the score on 141/3 in the 28th, in came Shepherd's Bush's finest, R 'PC' Saunders and the walking advertisement for Sun-In (and Black and Decker hedge trimmers) M Freeman. With just seven overs remaining aggression the order of the day and both fell early on. Freeman was run-out for 9, failing to regain ground after being sent back and Saunders bowled for 11.

Thus it was the silky skills of  M 'Government Unemployment Statistic' Bendelow and C 'No, not that one' Marshall to chase down runs in the last five to finally post an about-par total of 188 for five off the alloted 35.

Tea was, as was ever the case with a Bendelow buffet, a feast. The author couldn't help but appreciate the coronation chicken bloomers and the queue for the pita dips was notably oversubscribed. Top banana. Of which, naturally, there were also some.

After a good long rest (most of the first innings spent asleep on the sofa. No comment on the seconds' batting, I hope), Junnaid 'Ostrich O'Connor' Mehmood took the cherry from the Green Spice end and, once the keeper and slips had had their little gag, standing nearer the sightscreen than the stumps, generated enough pace to cause them to retreat a little farther than planned in the first place.

JP 'Agincourt' Bowman came off the fast, and very long, run at the far end, but didn't find his usual swing early on, and registered four luckless overs before being replaced with the famously large in-duckers of Saunders. Famous, it seems, to all bar his best mate Benders, who, stood behind the stumps for the first time in two years, could barely contain his excitement at the prodigious aerial movement. The black lycra shorts on display to all as he crouched to accept Richie's balls arguably earning their keep.

With Junnaid saved after five, in which one opener was extricated by a stump-rattling from an in-angling wide-of-crease delivery, it was time for the wily left arm spin of Marshall to come to the party. With the damp-top providing ample contact time for the seam, Marshall elicited considerable turn, finding the edge in his first over, but seeing the ball fly through the vacant second slip region. He thought his turn had come when a regulation chance off the same bat went finer, but first slip, having a shocker, patted down an easy take to his right.

Saunders then stepped up the pressure, cramping the second opener and causing a high top-edge to fly to Paxton at mid-off, who calmly escorted the ball to rest, and then demolishing the stumps of the number three. A good pick-up and throw from Bowman at cover removed the number four and when Marshall winkled the number five caught and bowled, all eyes turned to the Bombay first teamer Khartade, batting at six.

Henderson came on for Saunders at the pavilion end, hoping a poor display in the field could be made up for with ball, and managed to beat the bat a couple of times. The next breakthrough came, however, when a rank delivery, on its way down for the second bounce by the time it reached the batsman, was inside edged onto the stumps to send the dogged number seven on his way, and now it became a game of cat and mouse trying to get the big-driving Indian off strike to let the spinners work on the tail.

A potentially crucial point in the innings was about to come, however. The overseas batsman ripped into a fuller ball from Henderson, sending it slightly wider than expected and straight into the midriff of the Wounded Giraffe at short extra cover. The catch was accepted with seeming comfort before the excited methane generator nearly knocked himself out throwing the ball vertically in celebration. Gone for 40.

From that point, with the score at 120 for six, the chinamen deliveries of R 'Fobby' Freeman rattled through the tail, taking one batsman bowled beautifully through the gate another well caught by Paxo at square leg and the last man, a lefty facing the ball leaving him, hitting against the spin to find Dan Hough at midwicket. Good flight and length proving an ideal combination to knock over a tail and landing Freeman the enviable figures of 5.5 overs, three for eleven.

Ascot all out for 137 off 34, battling gamely after losing early wickets, but not really able to get up with the rate. A man of the match performance from Edward Paxton, an innings-defining 80 runs plus two cool catches proving the defining contribution.

Next week it's back to the a first team league match and the team numerically inferior to that one facing Old Suttonians at HQ. With the double-Is once more based at HQ, looking to improve on their 50% record this year.