TCC V v Alexandra Park IV. 25 June 2010 at Broom Road.

This was a belter of a game played on one of the warmest, and most humid, days of the year so far. Over 450 runs were scored between the delayed start at 1345 and the end of play nigh on 8pm. Hinay's sensibly-challenged militia just coming out on the losing side, but little shame in being beaten by a very decent Ally Park side who kept going when their luck looked out with the ball, held their own with the bat, and held more than their own in the short chav-wrestling competition after drinks. The following is from memory, so caveat emptor.

Despite the train travellers amongst the Ally Park lads actually beating the Ts to the ground this week, those who'd chosen to make the trans-captial trip by car were a touch on the tardy side, so the start was delayed 15 minutes after the Ts skipper won the toss and elected to bat.

First up for the Ts were Nik Walder and Uzzy Khan. The Park lads started with 9 men and were immediately on the back foot with Uzzy and Nik plundering 6-an-over off the first eight. Reinforcements arrived for Park but could do little to stem the flow of runs and, having out-paced his junior partner (who was selected for the midweek 20/20, as Nik didn't hesitate in pointing out) throughout, Nik passed the 50 milestone to much merriment from the sidelines. Uzzy seemed destined to join his team-mate at the jug bar, but was unfortunate to hole out to a very well taken pouch at deepish mid-on to end one short on 49. Second opening partnership over 100 this season for these two.

Gilbert Sanchez sauntered out to join Nik at the crease who promptly dented his chances of a ton somewhat buy top-edging a pull onto his eyebrow opening up a nasty inch-long gash. Nik has now managed to wind up flat on his back at both ends of the Broom Road track this year and his team mates are plugging together to get him a mattress to bat behind in future.

With Nik off for some running repairs (the offer of a trip to the Teddington Memorial Hospital politely declined) it was time for the middle order to show itself. Unfortunately neither Gilbert nor Stephen Cowley lasted particularly long, but Tom Davies and Ben Aldworth set about giving the Myers-esque bowler at one end a bit of tap, but paying the seemingly Duracell-driven Ned operating from the River End since the start all the due respect.

Score approaching the 150 mark, there was a brief stoppage in play as the Teddington version of the Staines Massive, fuelled by sunburn and Diamond White, decided to nick half our boundary markers. The Ally Park 'Mad Kiwi' (Park's description, not mine) wicketkeeper took rightful exception to this and chased the individual deemed most culpable down past the Sea Cadet's shack before pinning him to the floor and, doubtlessly, politely asking for them back. Ripple of appreciation from the spectator corps.

160-odd now and Aldworth succumbed. Nik, claret all over the shirt, rejoined battle and advanced to a breezy 70-something before finally falling letting Hendo and the rest of the tail support Tom as he claimed his maiden senior 50. A second raid by the ones that HMYOI Feltham let get away saw more plastic-flag casualties taken and minor skirmishes to the west before the Ts got to the 50 over mark with their score at a just-above-par 227.

Tea was taken with one eye on the stumps lest our light-fingered teenage neighbours returned, but otherwise suitably refreshed the Ts bounded onto the field to hear Hinay's now legendary "Team Talk In A South African Accent" routine.

Majid and Taufeeq started brightly, the ball coming through at good pace but, with an increasing tendency for anything fractionally short to tennis-ball, the Park opening pair elected to not die wondering and runs started flowing at a rapid rate.

If the opening few overs proffered a few aerial swipes to get the burgeoning gully region some hope, the next 30 or so certainly didn't. Sanjay replaced Majid in the hope of a quick breakthrough. Whilst that came, like was only replaced by Capello-esque like with the expansive Park number three smashing a boundary off his first ball. Bowlers were rotated, the field retreated more and more and yet the swishing Park blades continued to find boundaries, ones and twos with abandon.

With a winning draw being pegged at around the 196 mark it didn't take too long for the Ts to realise that wasn't the Park's main target. The Vs, pretty solid as a unit normally, started to become frayed. The fielding, an issue all season, was nothing short of ragged with only really Steve Cowley increasing the value of his stock as he continued to cut off big shots and arrow in returns from the thankless positions of deep cover and deep square.

Off the field, a detachment of the above mentioned local youth elected to reprising their role as ASBO subjects-in-waiting, returning to the ground to shout racial abuse at players on and off the field. Ally Park's waiting batsmen decided to summon the Police this time who, credit where its due, showed up and managed to locate some of the egregious youngsters near the St Mark's Road parade of shops. We even got a flag back.

On field, however, things were less positive. The margin for error for the bowlers was shrinking and shrinking. Deliveries of a decent length on most tracks were being despatched as if they were the rankest of long-hops by both batters with the normally-reliable medium pace of the skipper feeling it the worst. As the winning draw target was secured by Park, it was time for cards on the table.

Joker in the pack Majid was recalled from the River end with jack of our hearts Taufeeq too returning at the other. Breakthrough. The Ts had an end to work on and suddenly the dander was up.

Park had 6 or so overs to score about 25 runs. Do or die for the Ts. Precious singles were sacrificed off the still-battling opener in an attempt to earn back dot balls at the other end. It seemed to be working. Scrambled runs, a cacophony of yelps when a ball made it through a gap, cries of pain as the fielders wore the worst the Broom Road outfield could throw at them ticked off another couple of overs for only a handful of runs.

Blammo. Breakthrough number three. Finally, the remaining Park opener was dislodged for a massive 92 and two new batsmen stood between the Ts, a losing draw, and some semblance of pride. Two overs left. 14 runs required. A pair of scrambled singles saw the equation change to 12 needed off 1. Majid was the man with the ball in his hand.

Wicket! He's bowled him! Five balls left. But what's this? The umpire had only just commented on how the next two batsmen could end this in two hits. OK, boys, we'd still better be careful. Leave four men in the deep, try to cut off the twos elsewhere.

Swing and a miss! 12 off 4.

Wide! Bowler's not happy, skipper's getting agitated. Calm thoughts, lads. 11 off 4.

Six. Oh my word, where'd that come from? Slightly overpitched and the new batsman has launched a six over the head of the imposing Steve Cowley at deep square. He's doing a dance in the middle of the pitch? His skipper tells him to save that, still work to do. The Bowler tells him something else entirely. 5 off 3.

Yorker, bowled him! Majid's sent down a pearler and rattled his middle and leg pegs. He reciprocates the little dance in front of the departing bat. Naughty but hilarious. Still two balls to go, fellas. 5 off 2.

Wide. Two of them! Like that bedspring scene in Delicatessen, Broom road was echoing to the sounds of squeaking. This time from betwixt the buttocks of the Ts fielders. 2 off 2.

Dot. You little beauty! 2 off 1.

Hit into the off-side, they're going for the stolen single. Scores are level. Mid-off can't quite stop it first time around and as he turns around to retrieve the situation, Ally Park's bench erupts. Ts players look at each other, at the batsmen, at the scoreboard and, eventually, at their feet.

Well played Park, chasing down 228 on a Broom Road track that's been not easy to mistake for a putting green was one hell of an effort. To do it with one batsman in for almost the whole innings in the stifling heat was even more impressive.

The Ts can look at many things that contributed to their ultimate fate. The batting was solid and 227 should have been good enough for most teams on albeit a very fast outfield. Yes, there was a slight fumble on the final ball, yes there were two wides in the last over, but that was by no means the worst fumble of the day and there were plenty of wides and no-balls earlier on too. The bowling was, with the notable exception of the final 10 overs, pretty ordinary. On this pitch an over-full length was a must and the Ts just weren't able to land it there consistently. The fielding, however, was shoddy with virtually every outfielder managed one criminal let-through-their-legs during the second innings. These two factors are ultimately responsible for conceding first the winning draw, and then the match.

As a slight note of irony, with the winning runs been struck of the final ball, it's worth noting that the Ts, often strugglers with their over-rate, actually bowled one more than the requisite number of overs in the game, weighing in at 93 due to the first 43 of their overs (and Park's 50) being bowled 1 minute ahead of schedule. With an over-rate more akin to those of certain league rivals of some repute, the final over drama would never have happened. Additionally, under the old scoring system the Ts would have walked away with 12 points to Park's 20. Equivalent to 6 points to their 10. Here we received none. Isn't progress wonderful?

D Henderson, June 2010