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The Big Tackle Speaks

The Big Tackle Speaks

Dan Hough27 Jan 2019 - 10:16
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Stuart Amos waxes lyrical on life, cricket teas and the majesty of Ian Botham (the player, not the commentator)

If at some point in 2019 I can run out Oli George along the way I think that would be the cherry on top of the cake
- Stuart Amos

In the first of a new series, a TCC stalwart will talk us through their views on life as we know it. Club legend, Stuart Amos, is kicking us off.

Amos has been a member of TCC for well over a decade and in that time he’s exhibited a whole range of eclectic talents. On the field he has been a stalwart member of both the 2s and 3s (he captained the twos back in 2009), and he was a key part of the successful second XI side that moved from Middlesex Championship (i.e. effectively Division Four in the Middlesex pyramid) all the way through to the top flight.

Off the field, Amos has always been at the centre of the TCC’s social scene. By that I don’t just mean that he likes the odd liquid beverage (although rumour has it that he does), more that he’s the lead singer what has effectively becomes the club’s house hand; The Big Tackle! Marvellous.

The Master of the S***ter Ball
Although predominantly an opening bat, Amos is also well known for his innovations with the ball. Indeed, he has patented a number of deliveries that bowlers (and batsmen) the world over should be able to recognise. If, in other words, a ‘s*** ball’ doesn’t get a batter out, then he has a ‘s***ter ball’ and even an ‘even s***ter ball’ in his locker. This man has more variations than many of us have had hot dinners.

Before we hear more about those, we asked Amos about his first cricketing memories. “Blimey, I’d have to go back to memories of my dad – who was once offered a contract to play for Surrey (according to my grandparents) – taking a liking to the bowling of an eight-year-old Amos”. A familiar tale garden cricket tale that many a player can no doubt recognise.

“It was not uncommon for him to launch my s***ter ball out of our back garden on a warm summer’s afternoon, resulting in me taking the long walk to the house three doors down to retrieve it.

It usually signalled the end of the game.

Nothing has changed a great deal since, I just tend to have someone out there to catch them now”

Amos plays down his bowling prowess, but his stats reveal that he does better than most in terms of getting people out. 127 wickets on Play Cricket (so no doubt pushing 200 when games not on Play Cricket are considered) at little more than 20 a piece is a decent return.

Barnes-storming
Given his longevity in Middlesex cricket, Amos has played at a lot of grounds. Some good, some not so good. Which, the Green aside, is his favourite? His choice might surprise a few people, but the reasoning behind it is worth recounting at length.

“Not many people would put Barnes down, but it holds a special place in my heart for two reasons.

Firstly, carrying my bat for 103* to chase 198 and beat Barnes 2s in the Middlesex County League Division Two (see the card here), having seen opening partner Dan Hough dismissed three balls in.

It was that barmy sporting summer of 2012 and the day had started well with breakfast in Barnes High Street in the company of Tom Guy as pre-match prep.

Hough and Jeremy ‘The Warrior Poet’ Keates bagged four-fers to dismiss the hosts when they seemed to be getting away from us, before our shaky start in reply.

Partnerships with Guy (22) and Warwick ‘the Enigma’ Paull (50) followed, before victory was assured with Steve ‘Barry White’ Watts nudging the winning runs.

It was a team of TCC legends too. The afore mentioned Hough (skipper), Guy, Watts, Keates and Paull, plus Tomar, A Darbs, The Lord of the Rings, Richie Brewin and Cass. Utterly shitfaced afterwards. Great times.

A decent deck with a smallish outfield, means good value for shots at one of the most expensive addresses in London, if not the world.

The second reason I love the place is a little more obscure.

Soon after meeting my wife, I was invited to play in a midweek evening fixture at Barnes – Barristers v Solicitors, a grudge match.

In the changing room, the captain – a QC at the time – told me how he was averaging around 90 in five games for his club that summer. What a player!

A little nervous, I was sent in to bat at the fall of the first wicket – not sure what we were chasing – and was going along nicely when said ‘player’ comes to join me.

I’m on strike, he is yet to face a ball. I unfurl a forward defensive stroke in the image of Dan Hough and the ball rolls harmlessly to point. The ‘player’ shouts ‘YES!’ and charges down the wicket.

With the ball already in the fielder’s hand, I send him back and he is run out. He loudly and with real venom calls me a ‘c***’ on his way back to the pavilion and warns I’ve just cost his side the game.

I finish unbeaten on 50-odd, we win the game, but said ‘player’ wouldn’t know as he had already stormed off home after his dismissal.

He is now a judge at the Old Bailey”.

Magnificent stuff.

Teas; games need to be upped
Positive though Amos generally is, not all is hunky-dory in his cricketing world. There is one thing that The Tackle feels needs a bit of work. “Given one of my many driving forces to take up cricket in the first place was the fact you have a break for food, then something must be done about the standard of tea in the Middlesex County League.

The splendid buffets regularly on offer at St Mary’s last summer – one featuring the fabled Tony Hill venison scotch egg – have sadly not been reciprocated on our travels.

I have it on good authority this is not simply restricted to the Third XI Division Two competition, but is a county-wide issue.

We need to get a committee together – led by Phil Walker (chairman), Dan Hough (secretary) and Tom Guy (senior expert) – to devise the standard requirement to be adopted across the county”

I haven’t got the heart to tell Amos that if I had my way I’d abolish the need to provide a formal tea and would go all Australian (i.e. where players bring their own). That’s a debate for another day.

Amos continues; “The current vogue of self-constructed baguette sandwiches must become the exception, not the norm.

In this age of sports science and sports nutrition, standards need to be raised to ensure players return to the field suitably refuelled to assist with subsequent efforts to win/save the game.

Points should be docked and suspensions dished out if hosts are found to be not fulfilling their duty of care”.

Amos clearly means business!

Oli George, Amos is coming for you
Looking forward, Amos’s aims for 2019 are pretty simple. “Score more runs, take more wickets, snaffle more catches in my specialist position at mid on, eat more tea and drink more winning beer”. Focus and determination in abundance there. Always good to see.

“If that all comes together the 3s should enjoy another fine season under the leadership of Mr Watts. I’d like to sneak a league appearance on the Green too if I can”.

Importantly, Amos has one further aim. “If I can run out Oli George at some point along the way I think that would be the cherry on top of the cake”. If someone could record him doing it, then even better.

Ian Botham; the true sporting hero
As a parting shot, I ask the Big Tackle about his sporting heroes. Given that Amos is a big Brentford fan and indeed spent a number of years covering the Bees as a sports journalist for the Richmond and Twickenham Times, I suspect there are a fair few stories to be told there. They, however, are for one long Saturday night in the pavilion. In terms of cricket, who does Amos look up to?

“No-one came close to Ian Botham in his pomp.

A superstar on and off the field, the David Beckham of his day (the ‘tache and mullet combo was ground-breaking and still relevant now).

In his first 51 Tests he took 263 wickets at an average of 23.06 (including 19 five-fors and four 10 wicket matches), and he scored 2833 runs at an average of 38 (including 11 hundreds and 10 half centuries).

Between 1977 and 1982 Botham’s batting average of 37.11 was bettered by only three English batsmen in the same period – Geoff Boycott, David Gower and Graham Gooch”.

Those stats really do take some beating. But they just keep on coming…

“In the one-off Golden Jubilee Test in India in 1980 he became the first man in history to score a century (114) and take ten wickets (13) in a match – a feat only repeated once since by Imran Khan – as England ended their hosts 15-match unbeaten run.

You must also not forget he is one of only two men to score 1,000 runs and take 100 wickets against Australia”.

All good sporting heroes are, however, more than their stats. Botham really is the epitome of that.

“His appetite for booze was such that successive England captains would send him out on the eve of Test matches – and sometimes mid-Test - to get the opposition’s best player s***faced knowing it would not affect Botham’s ability to perform the following day but would render his drinking partner impotent.

The word legend is often banded around, but irrespective of questionable punditry, captaincy and aspects of his private life, Beefy is a cricketing legend – end of.”

A case well made. However, Amos did also – very sensibly add – one important caveat. “And then came Hinay Dassani”.

On that note, it’s probably best to draw things to a close. Watch out for more profiles in due course and thanks to Amos for stepping up to the plate and being the first to kick things off.

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